Omg I have to write something. Anything, it does not matter at this point. It’s been months and months and the stress of knowing how long it’s been is making thinking of something to write about even more overwhelming. It’s not that there’s nothing to write about. I have a thousand half ideas swarm around my brain every night while I try to sleep. But none of them materialize into anything more than a couple of sentences that may or may not make sense. Dozens of things have happened, both personally and in the world, since I posted last that I have strong opinions on but it feels like so many things keep happening back to back to back that I can’t focus on any one thing long enough to form coherent thoughts.
I haven’t written since November. On the personal side, I moved in with my parents for three weeks in December. We threw my mom and dad a *surprise* fortieth anniversary party, which really should be it’s own post. I use asterisks for surprise because someone kind of gave it away but the scale of the party and the number of sweet friends who came out to celebrate them was still a huge surprise.
It turned out great and we all had a lot of fun. Afterwards, mama kept saying, “next time..” Listen lady, I love y’all but I ain’t doing this again. Maybe for their 50th, they’ll surprise us with a party.
I’m at the airport right now. My flight is delayed and my book is boring, hence why I am finally trying to string some words together in this notes app. I don’t even care if they are coherent anymore. I just have to relieve the self-applied pressure of knowing how long it’s been since I wrote anything. I knew it was bad when my sweet husband mentioned it the other day. Not in a judgy or accusing way. He just casually said, “you haven’t written in a long time, have you?” Considering he wouldn’t notice for a week if I shaved an eyebrow, that’s when I knew it had been too long and I was just going to have to suck it up and write some words down.
A couple of months ago I was talking to a friend about it and she was like, you just need to write a little every day to get your ideas flowing. Which is completely reasonable and good advice and that’s why it annoyed me so much. She’s one of those people who seems totally together all the time. Like, gets up to jog before work, that kind of thing. Ugh. I wish I didn’t love her because hating her would really be fun.
I can’t stop thinking about that nurse in Tennessee. Going to prison for a mistake. But police officers are not even charged when they storm into the wrong house or pull their gun instead of taser. I’m not saying what is wrong and what is right because I don’t know. It just feels like some people are held to different standards and judged by stricter rules. This is also a subject I should probably come back to when I’m better able to articulate my thoughts.
There are two people watching a movie on a phone next to me right now. Out loud. I’m about to scoot over and join in. In a who can be more obnoxious contest I promise you I will win.
Ok. Maybe this is enough to break the can’t post won’t post curse and next time I’ll have several thoughts about the same subject I can fashion together. We’ll see how it goes.
Today’s my dad’s birthday. I told y’all we were gonna be all over the place. Happy birthday, daddy! Thanks for leaving me in space to die that one time.